I bite my lips, I fumble with the hem of my shirt and I intertwine my left hand with my right hand, take a deep breath and try to act nonchalant, trying my best to keep my discomfort and anger at bay.
He stares and stares and stares. He stares a little more and stares and stares a bit too much.
Jenny nudges
me saying, “Man I feel like he comes to college just to stare at you. Isn’t he
a bit too creepy?” I sigh and reply with a hum and a nod of my head. After a
few seconds I tell Jenny how awkward I feel around that creep, “I honestly feel
like he is undressing me with his eyes. Oh how much I’d love to pierce those
penetrating eyes with a goddamn fork.” Jenny bursts out with laughter and says
“woah there tiger, stop with your violent thoughts. I mean I can’t say it’s his
fault either. Like look at you babe.” And although I roll my eyes at my best
friend’s cheesy compliment, I could still feel ‘his’ gaze at the side of my
head and I was still having murderous thoughts. And although my veins were
about to explode with anger, I knew I was not going to give him the
satisfaction by leaving the canteen and letting him think that he was making me
uncomfortable. I did him a huge favor and let him drool over me because well,
like Jenny said, it is not his fault after all.
Ray had
always been a nuisance. I honestly had no idea how it all started but I would
always see him following my every move with his eyes. Creep alert! It was not
that bad at the beginning because who would not want some ego boost, right? But
it started getting out of control when he would leave numerous missed calls on
my phone and go to extreme lengths just to have few conversations with me. He
had spread tons of rumors in the college saying that I was the one to like him
and he had nothing to do with me. And even though I could care less, the fact
that people thought I would like a guy like him when he was the one running
behind me trying to get my attention was something that was annoying me to no
end. He was the one trying his level best to get my attention and yet he was
spreading rumors saying that I was the one to like him. I did not know what he
was up to or why he was trying to attach himself to me like a leech but all I
knew was that I did not get good vibes from him and all I really wanted was for
him to disappear into thin air. All I knew was that something bad was going to
come out of his stalker ways but I could not anticipate it. The fear was
gnawing at me and I was definitely not liking it.
-- -- -- --
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -
My chest was
heaving and I was in pain. I could hear sirens around me and I was in pain. I
was in so much pain and I knew my body was giving up on me. I tried to open my
eyes but it felt like something was trying its best to keep my eyes closed. I
tried to move around, feel around, anything and anyone but my body was
immobile. I was in so much pain and yet I was numb. My face was burning and yet
it felt numb. I felt like I was going to die and yet…everything around me was
numb.
“Rush her to
the ER.”
“She is
losing too much blood. We… to rush.”
“The burn… very
deep. The burn…”
I realized I
was in and out of consciousness when I could hear murmurs around me. Nothing
was completely clear to me but I could hear distant murmurs and I tried to
grasp bits and pieces from the conversation happening around me. I tried to
strain my ears into listening but I could not. What kind of burn were they
talking about? Why was I losing too much blood? And what had happened to me?
-- -- -- --
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -
Blur. That
is the best word I can use to describe what I see in the mirror right now. I
did not have to check the calendar or my mobile phone to know how long it had
been since ‘the incident’ because it was clearly etched onto my mind as if it
had happened just a few hours ago. Locked inside my room, sometimes I used to stare
at my distorted face in the mirror for hours and sometimes I used to cower
away. Sometimes I felt numb and sometimes I felt like my chest cannot handle
all this pain. Sometimes I cried and sometimes I cried a bit too much. This
sometimes has now turned into eight long months but now I have stopped crying.
I don’t think there are any tears left in my eyes, to be honest and I am not
complaining.
Ray had
scarred me, he had thrown acid on my face and had simply given a nonchalant
explanation saying “Well she did not give me the attention that I wanted. What
does she think of herself, huh? I guess now she knows.” But you know what I said
to myself as I stared at my distorted face, my burnt neck, my half stitched lips and my
half blind eye? YOU ARE WRONG RAY. You are wrong. That day, eight months, two
weeks and three days back, you threw a bottle of acid on my face in hopes to
ruin me. You wanted to take revenge on me for not liking you back by taking my
‘beauty’ away from me. You wanted to destroy me. You wanted me to turn into
ashes and disappear into thin air. But guess what Ray? I am still so goddamn
beautiful. I arose from the ashes and now I stand taller than I used to. How
could you think that scarring and taking almost quarter of my face away from me
would destroy me? I guess I overestimated your thinking capabilities.
I know I
spent eight long months in my room, crying myself to sleep, facing unbearable
pain. And I know it was a long painful journey but now when I look at myself in
the mirror, all I really see is a beautiful warrior with uncountable scars to
remind her of the war that gave birth to a more powerful woman. You are going
to rot in the jail while I am going to make the best out of this beautiful life
that I have been gifted with.
I look in
the mirror one more time with a huge grin on my face, wink at myself and step
out into the beautiful sun. Time to go be amazing again.
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